Friday's Letters

Dear Potentially Awesome Novella,

I know you want someone else to read you. I also know it is cliché but really, it isn't you it’s me. I have to finish you, reread you and then pick you apart and put you back together. We then have to perfect a query letter, wait for response and go from there. I promise, someone will read you besides just me, patience is a virtue... not that you are the most virtuous novella.

Love,

Me

Dear Bar Hopping Days,

Thank you for preparing me for the day my 9 year old came home and asked if I knew what chugging a drink was. I quickly filled a 32 oz water and went for it, he was impressed… I am awesome. Beverage chugging and my awesomeness, these are the lessons I want to teach my children in preparing them for the world.

Love,

Me

Dear People Offended by Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and or any other Holiday terms,

You are a douche. Seriously, we should not be talking. If someone wants to wish me anything good I will gladly take it. If someone would like to pray for me to whomever they feel may be listening I will gladly accept and be thankful. No one is trying to brainwash you or erase the history of your people, chill out!

Love,

Me

Dear Room Mom,

It’s about time you get on the plans for our classroom Holiday party in which no Holiday can be represented. Wait, what’s that? I am the Room Mom? Alright then let’s get this 'Christmas, Hanukkah and whatever else is this time of year' party started!!

Love,

Me

Dear 4 year old daughter,

You are amazing! Thank you for planning a surprise party for my birthday and putting everyone in the family in change of something and lovingly adding my job is to go upstairs and then to be surprised. The fact that you've discussed it with me all day every day for more than a week is fine, completely forgivable until today when you said “Mom if you ruin the surprise you will break my heart.”  Umm is this is trick? I am off to practice my surprised face...

Love,

Me